Hello everyone, and greetings from Guam!
I'm back on terra firma for another 18 hours or so, then we ship off again for Leg 2 of my research cruise. The first leg was pretty fun - pretty bad weather, all in all - windy and big swells, but we still managed to have 30 sightings of large baleen whales (sei whales, Bryde's whales), sperm whales, small dolphins (spotted dolphins, melon headed whales, and bottlenose dolphins). Also saw a shark and manta ray! It's pretty hard to see a lot when it's so choppy though. Oh and lots of cool tropical seabirds!
Life at sea is good - all of the scientists and crew are great - very laid back and fun to be around. I've learned a lot and made some new friends. It's also nice to be out here and have a chance to reflect on life, since staring at the great blue ocean kind of prompts one to become reflective.
Anyhow, it's all good. Spent the last couple days in Guam at the beach swimming and snorkeling, partying and emailing (362 emails to read/delete!). Guam is pretty much a tourist destination for the Japanese, and as such there's tons of good sushi, karaoke, and strip clubs (not that I'd know about that part!). Anyhow, it's nice for the break, but the ocean is where it's at, man...
Please peruse the blog - there's lots of random photos and ramblings from me. I'm working on getting some better info for my next update. I'll be back in port Feb 27 or so, and will update more then! In the meantime, keep the emails up (kahana@stratosnet.com while I'm at sea - with my name in the subject). I'm thinking of you and missing you, and can't wait to see you all is person soon!
~beth
***Please note*** All photos are property of the US Navy
Sunday, February 4, 2007
More random pictures!



We've had fresh mahi mahi and ono ALOT...I love sashimi! (sorry the pic is sideways...). That's john, first mate who is the filet master...

Daily ramblings from the beginning of my cruise...
Hello everyone! I have a selection of random ramblings of life at sea here, from the first couple days, after that it all became a blur, but feel free to read!
Day 1) Hafa Adai to Guam! ...and 30 knot winds...
I arrived in Guam a couple days ago, after 14 hours of flying across the Pacific Ocean. Right away I knew I was somewhere nowhere near Seattle, since it was dark out, 85 degrees and about 99% humidity! It felt good for about 2 minutes, then I was covered in sweat...
I met a couple other people bound for the M/V Kahana at baggage claim, and we all hopped in a taxi to the boat. Upon arrival at the boat, we realized 1) it was empty and 2) there was no way to safely board the ship (generally speaking there’s some sort of ramp/gangway/stairs to get onto the boat). While we were considering jumping the 6 foot gap between boat and dock (with two oversized bags of luggage!) someone came out of the cabin and greeted us. Turns out there is no ramp, you do actually just have to jump! After the first time it got much better (even after a Saturday night in downtown Tumon Bay – the main hub of Guam).
Anyhoo, we unloaded all our gear and I settled into a nice long sleep to get rid of jetlag. It’s actually not that bad flying West, but I think it will be pretty hard on the way back into time (I am a day ahead of you, remember)...The future looks great...!
So, since the wind has decided to whip across the Pacific Ocean to Guam from the Northeast relentlessly for the last couple days, we’ve been marooned. Which is fine by me. Did some sunbathing (with sunscreen – it’s hot!), snorkeling, checked the surf – and there are actually some good spots, if you like to get pounded into bone crushing reef...not my kinda surf spot. The nicer gentler bays either had no waves or high bacteria counts (thank you Surfrider!) so no surfing...yet.
We drove around the southern part of Guam yesterday through these ancient Chamorran towns with interesting bits of history – such as the sight of Magellan’s landing in 1521, site of the Japanese’s arrival during WWII, site of the Japanese war hero’s hideout (in a cave) for 28 years after WWII ended...If you haven’t noticed, most of Guam’s history revolves around invasions and wars. Now it’s very largely populated by Guamanians and various military types – army, navy, marine...etc.
OH!!! How could I forget! The world’s largest K-Mart is on Guam! And I’ve been there, since it’s the main place to purchase whatever you need. In all honesty, though, it’s not really THAT big...but it is open 24 hours...
Day 2) Still Marooned in Guam
So, if you ever end up on a research cruise, you will quickly learn that there is a lot of preparation that goes into the cruise before the boat even leaves the dock. For us marine mammal observers that means building a canopy to protect us from the blazing sun, setting up the “Big Eyes” (huge binoculars that can see up to 6 nautical miles), getting all of our data recording equipment ready (computer, data-logs, etc), and MOST importantly making sure the stereo system on the flying bridge is working and weather proof. You laugh, but music is just about the most important thing you need while staring into the great blue ocean for hours on end. Both to break up the monotony and to keep you awake (for some reason coffee doesn’t work as well out here...although it’s also a necessity). Anyhow, once we got those important things dialed in, there wasn’t much more for me to do.
On the other hand, there was a lot of work for the oceanographer and acoustician – and things get complicated when nothing goes smoothly...Long story short, it’s Monday night Jan 15th and we’re still in Guam. We were supposed to leave on Jan 13th, and things keep getting delayed. ETD is now tomorrow morning...we’ll see! It’s actually been nice though since the winds have been pretty bad, which makes for a less than ideal ocean to look at (think really choppy and hard to see animals in – Beaufort 5 or 6).
So in our spare time, we explored a little more of the island, including an incredibly cheesy “Water fall park” (Talofofo Falls - see the pics) that could have been really nice and beautiful if it weren’t for the silly gondola ferrying us to the falls, “Ghost House” haunted house, Children’s train and Air Ride, and cheesy museum. Plus, the only place we could swim at the falls was the lowest pool – or cesspool really, since about 20 geese were directly above the falls all day eating from tourists...I don’t think there’s bird flu in Guam, but I didn’t want to swim with any geese either...
We also visited a very cool natural saltwater pool area on the east side of the island. Since it was MLK day all the local kids and families were at the pools swimming and barbequeing. The setting was so beautiful – huge crashing waves onto reefs, and the pools just on the other side of the reef totally calm, but really warm and deep. We climbed over the edge of the pools to check out the surf and it was pretty big – 10 foot face, but straight into reef...Needless to say I dove back into the pool side. Later in the afternoon one of the locals set up some huge speakers and started blasting reggae music for the whole park to hear...Definitely a nice touch. The local vibe here – especially in the smaller towns, is so nice – mellow, friendly, happy people. I almost asked if I could have a hamburger from one of the family’s barbeques, but thought that’d be too much. I’m sure they would’ve given me one, though! I’m definitely going back on our next port call though.
Day 3) 16 Jan 2007 --- We’re off!
We have officially departed Guam’s Apra Harbor for bigger and better things...well at least bigger swells and less land (well really no land...). We set sail about 11 am Jan. 16th and literally right outside the harbor we hit the big swells and heavy wind. At least two people started feeling a bit nauseous, but I’m still okay for now.
We’re steaming south west from Guam, essentially going downswell for as long as possible to make for the easiest ride possible. We started watch immediately and I got a quick training on the computer program and sighting stuff (I’ve done cruises like these many times, but each one is different and this is my first “official” NOAA cruise – and they have particular ways of doing things). Luckily, I guess for now, we didn’t see anything in the way of marine mammals or sea turtles, so there wasn’t any pressure to get up to speed right away – although I think by tomorrow I’ll be wishing there was something to look at!
The cool thing about most of these types of cruises is that we have both visual observers looking out, and also acoustic observers listening. The acoustics team actually heard one sperm whale and a pod of dolphins today, which means there are actually animals out here...it’s just a matter of us seeing them! I guess that’s the beauty and the bummer of acoustics – when the weather is crappy (like it is) we can’t see anything. It just gets frustrating to know there’s stuff out there we just can’t see. Check out what a Beaufort 6 looks like...(picture on the sidebar)
Day 4) 17 Jan 2007 ---
We spent the night rocking and rolling in the middle of the Pacific – I slept about 2 hours, some people slept more, some less...I didn’t get seasick, but definitely not feeling 100% either.
Upon awakening, I arrived to work (about a 20 second commute up two sets of stairs and a ladder) to find still rough seas and white caps everywhere. During the night we had essentially turned the boat around and headed straight into the swell, so that we could start up during the day where we left off. Which is why it was so rough at night...
We were back to going downswell, but still no signs of animal life, besides the few odd seabirds here or there. I’m not much of a tropical seabird person, but I’m learning quickly. Mostly through the help of senior observers like Richard Rowlett and Jim Cotton.
Today I set up my yoga mat on one of the decks outside, once the sun had dried the deck out. It felt good to stretch and do some yoga, although I didn’t do many complicated poses! The hardest part was finding a place out of the vision of most people, so I could get a little privacy. There is also a bike and some weights on board, a little mini-gym, on the outside deck in the tropics – what could be better? Well, we won’t go there...I also got my exercise ball ready to go, and don’t worry it’s secured inside when not in use – no rolling off the boat for this ball!
I fought the urge to take a nap and instead went for a nice big iced coffee that helped me through the afternoon hump. We finished up observations with a little less wind, but still no mammals. Nothing was heard on the hydrophones either, which is good but bad news...A shower, steak from the barbeque, a movie, some hanging out in the container with the other crew and I was ready for bed...9:30.
Day 5) 18 January 2007 --- “Say, it’s a sei whale!”
I took two Bonines last night to help me sleep, since we changed course again last night and started pounding into the swell. I was out cold for 10 hours! It felt so good to sleep. That’s the thing about being on boats, for some reason you get more tired than normal. And eat more. And I haven’t really visited the gym lately...Hmm...I’m working on it. After a good night’s sleep I went to work at 8:40 to discover gnarly winds and pounding swells coming straight at us! Yuck! So bad that I couldn’t really even use the big eyes, you are bouncing so much. Plus this boat seems to have a major vibration when it hits a big swell – it’s weird I can feel it in my bunk – kinda nice at first, since it’s a little massage, but weird nonetheless. Oh and I’m in the “zero gravity” room – we all get a little airborne when we hit a big wave – float up in our beds then come slamming down. Thank god for Bonine!
We had a meeting and decided to continue full speed on our course and just use handheld binoculars to look for things – although in this weather it’s really hard to see anything, except for perhaps a big blow close to the boat. So that’s where we stand, hoping to weather out the storm (no pun intended) and get some better weather in a couple days...
After a couple squalls and some major splashes over the bow (soaking wet, soaking the binos, iPod, and my clothes!) we finally spotted a blow! Finally, something to look at. We got some good looks too – turns out it was 3 sei whales – about 55 feet long, slender baleen whales. They are apparently attracted to ships, and hung out near our boat for about 1 hour, surfing in the big swells and hanging just below the surface. In the turquoise water it was really easy to see their gray and white bodies underneath. They came within 50 meters of our boat, and considering the fact that they’re over 50 feet long, it was really close! A nice sighting to finally get us all going...
Oh and the other cool thing is that we crossed over the deepest part of the Marianas Trench today – there’s no marker out here letting us know, but the map told us. Pretty cool to be over the deepest spot in the ocean, but still didn’t see much animal life at the surface.
After our exciting sighting we resumed our bumpy course and didn’t see much else the rest of the day. By the way our course makes me think of survivors at sea, and books like the Life of Pi – and makes me appreciate the fact that I’m cool and dry on a ship...I don’t know how I’d deal out here on my own – so vast, so blue, so stormy...
Day 6) 19 January 2007 – I’m officially salty
Started the day off with a whole lot of white caps and big waves, something tells me it’s not going to change anytime soon...Maybe it’s the fact that First Mate John told me that historically this is typical weather for this time of year – and will continue to be like this for the next 2 months! Good thing I finally got my sea legs.
A couple squalls, a couple major waves breaking over the bow, and I had my shower for the day. I’ve given up on trying to stay clean until night time, since with the saltwater spray and random squalls, plus the 80 degree weather, sunscreen and sweat, it doesn’t help to start you’re day off with a shower. However a shower at the end of the day feels sooooo good, even if it’s in a really gross shower and you have to actually hold onto the rails in the shower to wash your hair...It’s the little things in life...
January 26, 2007
Went over the deepest part of the Marianas Trench today (see pic of me) --- lots of seabird flocks, fish breezers, but no marine mammals. One sperm whale, but I didn’t see it. Acoustics was hearing a lot of stuff, including minke whale boings, but nothing...actually got down to a Beaufort 4, but didn’t help sightings...still none for me...picked up later in the day, and the vibration in the big eyes is really bad now – can barely focus on anything, and they rattle back and forth...not good...
Last night, just ended a jam session with Adam, Nalu, Tom, JC, Cornelia, Candy, Greg, Richard and Ally. On the aft deck under partly cloudy skies with full moon and stars. Electric guitar and amp (adam's), ukulele, harmonicas, shakers, and cowbell! Really nice. Beers, good vibes, stars, thinking about family, life, love, following your heart, especially being on the ocean makes you think more about whatever comes to you, you deal with it, you know?
Out here on the sea, it seems like hours turn into days, days to weeks, weeks to months and before you know it one month, two months, three have gone by and you’ve experienced so much without even consciously thinking about it or processing it. Life slows down when your schedule is 2 hours on, 2 hours off. And staring at the blue ocean, things just pop into your head, thoughts, ideas, stories. Important things come into focus, everything else goes away...it's nice. I think that's why I like being at sea, and traveling...I think I'm getting deep since we're over the deepest part of the ocean - 30,000 feet! Pretty cool...
Day 1) Hafa Adai to Guam! ...and 30 knot winds...
I arrived in Guam a couple days ago, after 14 hours of flying across the Pacific Ocean. Right away I knew I was somewhere nowhere near Seattle, since it was dark out, 85 degrees and about 99% humidity! It felt good for about 2 minutes, then I was covered in sweat...
I met a couple other people bound for the M/V Kahana at baggage claim, and we all hopped in a taxi to the boat. Upon arrival at the boat, we realized 1) it was empty and 2) there was no way to safely board the ship (generally speaking there’s some sort of ramp/gangway/stairs to get onto the boat). While we were considering jumping the 6 foot gap between boat and dock (with two oversized bags of luggage!) someone came out of the cabin and greeted us. Turns out there is no ramp, you do actually just have to jump! After the first time it got much better (even after a Saturday night in downtown Tumon Bay – the main hub of Guam).
Anyhoo, we unloaded all our gear and I settled into a nice long sleep to get rid of jetlag. It’s actually not that bad flying West, but I think it will be pretty hard on the way back into time (I am a day ahead of you, remember)...The future looks great...!
So, since the wind has decided to whip across the Pacific Ocean to Guam from the Northeast relentlessly for the last couple days, we’ve been marooned. Which is fine by me. Did some sunbathing (with sunscreen – it’s hot!), snorkeling, checked the surf – and there are actually some good spots, if you like to get pounded into bone crushing reef...not my kinda surf spot. The nicer gentler bays either had no waves or high bacteria counts (thank you Surfrider!) so no surfing...yet.
We drove around the southern part of Guam yesterday through these ancient Chamorran towns with interesting bits of history – such as the sight of Magellan’s landing in 1521, site of the Japanese’s arrival during WWII, site of the Japanese war hero’s hideout (in a cave) for 28 years after WWII ended...If you haven’t noticed, most of Guam’s history revolves around invasions and wars. Now it’s very largely populated by Guamanians and various military types – army, navy, marine...etc.
OH!!! How could I forget! The world’s largest K-Mart is on Guam! And I’ve been there, since it’s the main place to purchase whatever you need. In all honesty, though, it’s not really THAT big...but it is open 24 hours...
Day 2) Still Marooned in Guam
So, if you ever end up on a research cruise, you will quickly learn that there is a lot of preparation that goes into the cruise before the boat even leaves the dock. For us marine mammal observers that means building a canopy to protect us from the blazing sun, setting up the “Big Eyes” (huge binoculars that can see up to 6 nautical miles), getting all of our data recording equipment ready (computer, data-logs, etc), and MOST importantly making sure the stereo system on the flying bridge is working and weather proof. You laugh, but music is just about the most important thing you need while staring into the great blue ocean for hours on end. Both to break up the monotony and to keep you awake (for some reason coffee doesn’t work as well out here...although it’s also a necessity). Anyhow, once we got those important things dialed in, there wasn’t much more for me to do.
On the other hand, there was a lot of work for the oceanographer and acoustician – and things get complicated when nothing goes smoothly...Long story short, it’s Monday night Jan 15th and we’re still in Guam. We were supposed to leave on Jan 13th, and things keep getting delayed. ETD is now tomorrow morning...we’ll see! It’s actually been nice though since the winds have been pretty bad, which makes for a less than ideal ocean to look at (think really choppy and hard to see animals in – Beaufort 5 or 6).
So in our spare time, we explored a little more of the island, including an incredibly cheesy “Water fall park” (Talofofo Falls - see the pics) that could have been really nice and beautiful if it weren’t for the silly gondola ferrying us to the falls, “Ghost House” haunted house, Children’s train and Air Ride, and cheesy museum. Plus, the only place we could swim at the falls was the lowest pool – or cesspool really, since about 20 geese were directly above the falls all day eating from tourists...I don’t think there’s bird flu in Guam, but I didn’t want to swim with any geese either...
We also visited a very cool natural saltwater pool area on the east side of the island. Since it was MLK day all the local kids and families were at the pools swimming and barbequeing. The setting was so beautiful – huge crashing waves onto reefs, and the pools just on the other side of the reef totally calm, but really warm and deep. We climbed over the edge of the pools to check out the surf and it was pretty big – 10 foot face, but straight into reef...Needless to say I dove back into the pool side. Later in the afternoon one of the locals set up some huge speakers and started blasting reggae music for the whole park to hear...Definitely a nice touch. The local vibe here – especially in the smaller towns, is so nice – mellow, friendly, happy people. I almost asked if I could have a hamburger from one of the family’s barbeques, but thought that’d be too much. I’m sure they would’ve given me one, though! I’m definitely going back on our next port call though.
Day 3) 16 Jan 2007 --- We’re off!
We have officially departed Guam’s Apra Harbor for bigger and better things...well at least bigger swells and less land (well really no land...). We set sail about 11 am Jan. 16th and literally right outside the harbor we hit the big swells and heavy wind. At least two people started feeling a bit nauseous, but I’m still okay for now.
We’re steaming south west from Guam, essentially going downswell for as long as possible to make for the easiest ride possible. We started watch immediately and I got a quick training on the computer program and sighting stuff (I’ve done cruises like these many times, but each one is different and this is my first “official” NOAA cruise – and they have particular ways of doing things). Luckily, I guess for now, we didn’t see anything in the way of marine mammals or sea turtles, so there wasn’t any pressure to get up to speed right away – although I think by tomorrow I’ll be wishing there was something to look at!
The cool thing about most of these types of cruises is that we have both visual observers looking out, and also acoustic observers listening. The acoustics team actually heard one sperm whale and a pod of dolphins today, which means there are actually animals out here...it’s just a matter of us seeing them! I guess that’s the beauty and the bummer of acoustics – when the weather is crappy (like it is) we can’t see anything. It just gets frustrating to know there’s stuff out there we just can’t see. Check out what a Beaufort 6 looks like...(picture on the sidebar)
Day 4) 17 Jan 2007 ---
We spent the night rocking and rolling in the middle of the Pacific – I slept about 2 hours, some people slept more, some less...I didn’t get seasick, but definitely not feeling 100% either.
Upon awakening, I arrived to work (about a 20 second commute up two sets of stairs and a ladder) to find still rough seas and white caps everywhere. During the night we had essentially turned the boat around and headed straight into the swell, so that we could start up during the day where we left off. Which is why it was so rough at night...
We were back to going downswell, but still no signs of animal life, besides the few odd seabirds here or there. I’m not much of a tropical seabird person, but I’m learning quickly. Mostly through the help of senior observers like Richard Rowlett and Jim Cotton.
Today I set up my yoga mat on one of the decks outside, once the sun had dried the deck out. It felt good to stretch and do some yoga, although I didn’t do many complicated poses! The hardest part was finding a place out of the vision of most people, so I could get a little privacy. There is also a bike and some weights on board, a little mini-gym, on the outside deck in the tropics – what could be better? Well, we won’t go there...I also got my exercise ball ready to go, and don’t worry it’s secured inside when not in use – no rolling off the boat for this ball!
I fought the urge to take a nap and instead went for a nice big iced coffee that helped me through the afternoon hump. We finished up observations with a little less wind, but still no mammals. Nothing was heard on the hydrophones either, which is good but bad news...A shower, steak from the barbeque, a movie, some hanging out in the container with the other crew and I was ready for bed...9:30.
Day 5) 18 January 2007 --- “Say, it’s a sei whale!”
I took two Bonines last night to help me sleep, since we changed course again last night and started pounding into the swell. I was out cold for 10 hours! It felt so good to sleep. That’s the thing about being on boats, for some reason you get more tired than normal. And eat more. And I haven’t really visited the gym lately...Hmm...I’m working on it. After a good night’s sleep I went to work at 8:40 to discover gnarly winds and pounding swells coming straight at us! Yuck! So bad that I couldn’t really even use the big eyes, you are bouncing so much. Plus this boat seems to have a major vibration when it hits a big swell – it’s weird I can feel it in my bunk – kinda nice at first, since it’s a little massage, but weird nonetheless. Oh and I’m in the “zero gravity” room – we all get a little airborne when we hit a big wave – float up in our beds then come slamming down. Thank god for Bonine!
We had a meeting and decided to continue full speed on our course and just use handheld binoculars to look for things – although in this weather it’s really hard to see anything, except for perhaps a big blow close to the boat. So that’s where we stand, hoping to weather out the storm (no pun intended) and get some better weather in a couple days...
After a couple squalls and some major splashes over the bow (soaking wet, soaking the binos, iPod, and my clothes!) we finally spotted a blow! Finally, something to look at. We got some good looks too – turns out it was 3 sei whales – about 55 feet long, slender baleen whales. They are apparently attracted to ships, and hung out near our boat for about 1 hour, surfing in the big swells and hanging just below the surface. In the turquoise water it was really easy to see their gray and white bodies underneath. They came within 50 meters of our boat, and considering the fact that they’re over 50 feet long, it was really close! A nice sighting to finally get us all going...
Oh and the other cool thing is that we crossed over the deepest part of the Marianas Trench today – there’s no marker out here letting us know, but the map told us. Pretty cool to be over the deepest spot in the ocean, but still didn’t see much animal life at the surface.
After our exciting sighting we resumed our bumpy course and didn’t see much else the rest of the day. By the way our course makes me think of survivors at sea, and books like the Life of Pi – and makes me appreciate the fact that I’m cool and dry on a ship...I don’t know how I’d deal out here on my own – so vast, so blue, so stormy...
Day 6) 19 January 2007 – I’m officially salty
Started the day off with a whole lot of white caps and big waves, something tells me it’s not going to change anytime soon...Maybe it’s the fact that First Mate John told me that historically this is typical weather for this time of year – and will continue to be like this for the next 2 months! Good thing I finally got my sea legs.
A couple squalls, a couple major waves breaking over the bow, and I had my shower for the day. I’ve given up on trying to stay clean until night time, since with the saltwater spray and random squalls, plus the 80 degree weather, sunscreen and sweat, it doesn’t help to start you’re day off with a shower. However a shower at the end of the day feels sooooo good, even if it’s in a really gross shower and you have to actually hold onto the rails in the shower to wash your hair...It’s the little things in life...
January 26, 2007
Went over the deepest part of the Marianas Trench today (see pic of me) --- lots of seabird flocks, fish breezers, but no marine mammals. One sperm whale, but I didn’t see it. Acoustics was hearing a lot of stuff, including minke whale boings, but nothing...actually got down to a Beaufort 4, but didn’t help sightings...still none for me...picked up later in the day, and the vibration in the big eyes is really bad now – can barely focus on anything, and they rattle back and forth...not good...
Last night, just ended a jam session with Adam, Nalu, Tom, JC, Cornelia, Candy, Greg, Richard and Ally. On the aft deck under partly cloudy skies with full moon and stars. Electric guitar and amp (adam's), ukulele, harmonicas, shakers, and cowbell! Really nice. Beers, good vibes, stars, thinking about family, life, love, following your heart, especially being on the ocean makes you think more about whatever comes to you, you deal with it, you know?
Out here on the sea, it seems like hours turn into days, days to weeks, weeks to months and before you know it one month, two months, three have gone by and you’ve experienced so much without even consciously thinking about it or processing it. Life slows down when your schedule is 2 hours on, 2 hours off. And staring at the blue ocean, things just pop into your head, thoughts, ideas, stories. Important things come into focus, everything else goes away...it's nice. I think that's why I like being at sea, and traveling...I think I'm getting deep since we're over the deepest part of the ocean - 30,000 feet! Pretty cool...
Pictures from Leg 1 - Guam!



Talofofo Falls, this cheesy waterfall park that attracts all the Japanese tourists. It is pretty if you don't look at the gift shop, museum, and "Ghost House"!
A Japanese WWII fighter was found living in a cave 28 years after WWII ended near these falls. He was a soldier that ended up hiding out, thinking the war was still going on, and hadn't had human contact for that long! Crazy...
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